The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My life is pants optional.
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