honey bunches of taint.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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