"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
