and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
