I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
