Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
