Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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