Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
