my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
