What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
