I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
