Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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