You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
