If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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