I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
