there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
handjob tips. give me some.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
