me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
