omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
