so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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