He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
what the fuck happened to the tacos
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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