Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
