he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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