im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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