i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
