I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
