FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's shark week go big or go home
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
