Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
