# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
