I'd wear matching sweaters with you
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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