i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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