I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
