The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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