I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
