If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
is that a dick in a sweater?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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