dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
