those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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