She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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