there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
