I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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