I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
