weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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