Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
