Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
