my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
