I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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