A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
