why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
