Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
