Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize