your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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