I can text with my tongue
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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