He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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