I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
