so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
