i think my mom watched the whole time
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
