shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize