So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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