Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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