were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
