dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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