What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
