i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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