All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
