We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize