I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
